Saturday, February 15, 2014

What do they mean?

I'm always trying to figure out what my family means when they say the things they say.

My brother in law  is in hospital for surgery.  I go to sit and wait with my sister.  It was a long wait and an awful experience to have alone.

I hear from my A-mom, how appreciative "They are" that I went and sat for hours...with my sister (called by name)    I shrugged it off.  Trying to focus on what someone told me about being too sensitive...oh it was my sister.

Again, its said.  "They" appreciate it so much that I sat for hours.  Here comes the crickets again, dead silence on my end as I search for a response.  I think I said, Uh-huh and quickly ended the cell phone conversation.

OK, and again its said by A-mom, that "They" really appreciate me spending the time with my sister.  I have only one sibling, my sister.  On and on about it.  OK, time limit to how many times you can say this and not really mean it has been met.    This wasnt some slip on her end, she means what she says after repeating it over and over in a  7 hour time frame.

My nephew grabbed us coffee, the hospital cafeteria was closed.  And a nice snack for me as well.  So after I went home I texted and said again, thanks so much for grabbing us coffee and a snack.  He thanked me for sitting with his mom, my sister.

I answered "I am your moms sister, this is what sisters do."  I got a smiley face in response.

Dont they know I am the sister?  I have known her husband, my nephews father, the one in the hospital now for about 30+ years.  We have spent the past 28 Christmas' and Thanksgivings with them, countless birthday parties, fourth of July, Easter, etc.

What does this mean?  Am I the outsider, the friend they are thanking, or am I the daughter, the sister and the aunt?  I'm confused, because who says this to her own daughter?  Im just curious to know what it means?  Why is my own mother thanking me for sitting with my own sister while her husband has surgery?


  1. I'm not adopted, but my parents often say they are appreciative if I've done something nice for the family.I haven't read much of your blog, but just this one post seems (to me) that you are very sensitive on this issue of feeling seperate or not a part of, and any word reiforces that. It doesn't sound they they are purposefully trying to make you feel alienated, in fact, the opposite. Sometimes we believe things so much we make then true, a self-fulfilling prophesy somewhat. I guess I'm thinking you are taking hurts from the past and finding them in every sentence? Sorry, I should probably mind my own business. I think your parents are trying to show you they love you and love when you are family minded.

  2. At anonymous, if your not adopted, what part of the triad are you from?
    WOW, a self fulfilling prophecy? Hahahaha! Thats very funny. Do everyone a favor, dont comment again if you dont take the time to read my entire blog. Sounds like your anonymous comment should have been skipped altogether.
    This is a good example of adoption ignorance, so I think its great you commented, actually. Most people are this ignorant when it comes to adoption.
    This will have to be a blog title for me, and an entire discussion about how ridiculous people can be.
    You may want to re-read my blog, this one blog, "TAKING HURTS FROM THE PAST AND FINDING THEM IN EVERY SENTENCE" - I'm talking about FEBRUARY 2014. Now, the current time. I'm not talking about the past. I dont have the problem anonymous, they do.