Sunday, January 25, 2015

"Get over it"

Who do others say this so often?  "Get over it."  Is this how we, as a society have been taught to process our loss, grief and emotions?

Not allowing us to ever process it, by being told, just get over it and in my own opinion, just shut up I dont want to hear what they mean.

And how do we "Get over it" I'd like to know when these brilliant people demand we do this?  Any suggestions?  Find God, pray, join a club, move on....the options are endless.

This is why our children are the same as us, and the cycle continues, never broken are the chains, our loss, grief and whatever else you want to add to the list.

I think its somewhat sad, that society expect babies & children to be born of another woman, to  be taken away, raised with other people and then expects them to have zero issues, questions, or loss and grief.  Thats like saying we dont, as a society know that cigarettes are bad for our health, cause possible fetal damage when pregnant.  We know it, its talked about, and agreed upon.  Why is it then, that adoption is swept, right under the carpet, with so many arguments?  WHY?

So I was born to this woman, and then taken away, yet nobody is supposed to have a problem down the line?  Really?  Why is it that some people in this year in time when all you gotta do is speak into a cell phone to get directions  cant accept that adoption automatically brings loss and grief.  When I speak about it with my own family, you'd think that I had just grown an alien head.   Is it that far fetched to think that adoption brings such loss for everyone involved?

Loss of fertility for the adoptive parents, who sometimes would like to pretend the word fertility doesnt even exist or that they couldnt have their own baby is really no big deal.  Yeah right!  Or that someone like me,  taken away at birth, that I would not have any recollection of this as I became a toddler.  Or that my birth mom was supposed to leave the maternity home for unwed mothers with a clean slate, and pretend like nothing happened, after being told that in a few months it will be like nothing ever happened.  REALLY?  Even now, in year 2014, people look at me like I'm the crazy one when I mention the primal wound, of being ripped apart from one's birth mom, even if that woman you find out later on is not a good person.  That is not the topic of debate, its the fact that we have been torn away from our mothers, yet we are expected to bounce back and pretend this really isn't a big deal, nor does it affect us in any way!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Stripped of my heritage

Out of the blue my daughter texted me and asked what tribe (we)  my birth family is from.  I have to dig out my birth family information to give her the answer.    Haven't done that yet.

I told her that it doesn't matter anyhow, I cannot prove who I am.  She responded with a "Huh."  I had to remind her that I don't have my real birth certificate, so as far as the system is concerned, I am not that person because of adoption.   Its quite an irony, I am not biologically attached to my adoptive family either.  This in turn gives my children the same issue.  Its like stripping someone of their ancestry.  Once I explained this to my daughter, she was shocked.  She had not thought of that before.   She asked how to get my original birth certificate, and I explained I'd have to go to court and doubt I'd actually get it.  She was so mad!

Nope, most people don't think of this, what is stripped away from a baby when she's given up for adoption.  I texted my daughter this in response to her shock.  "Hence, my blog Who am I anyhow."
My daughter didn't respond to that text.  But I have been thinking about it a lot.  The dreaded question  I think I have the answer for with my 50th year of life quickly approaching.   It's a battle of managing myself,  alone.   You wouldn't believe what goes through my head on a daily basis.

I hate not having my ancestry for my kids, I resent it.   I am part Native American, and it's not that far removed, my birth fathers grandmother.    Because of adoption we can't claim our own heritage or ancestry, and its going to continue for generations, when my kids have kids, etc.   Do the adoption peddlers have any idea what they are doing when they break up families, or do they just not give a darn?  Can they grasp the devastation they are creating for generations to come?  

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Whats up with my birth father?

We've been in reunion since 1984.   His family believed I was someone else's baby.   When I met him it was obvious that was not true.  Because my birth mom is Lebanese, and I turned out looking like him, was the smoking gun!  hahaha!

So I send him a Christmas card every year, for the past 12+ years.  This year I got it back in the mail. Says  "Return to sender" - "Attempted - Not known"  "Unable to forward"  -  this means he picked this one piece of mail out, and handed it back to the mailman I assume he probably knows.  He is the only person living in this house and has lived there for about 29 years.  My aunt, his sister, was just there last week!  ha!

So why would he do this?  He is friends with my oldest son on Facebook.  And I unfriended him, but he requested to list me as his daughter!

Anyhow, its somewhat of a rhetorical question.  Or should I say its more of a million dollar question? 

I don't feel bad, not really.  I'm curious.  And what I really want from him is, a DNA test.  To once and for all prove that yes, he is my biological father.  Something that seems fairly logical to me.  I have never asked him, because I really know what he will say.

I've never asked this man for a single dime, and he's really not gone out of his way to have anything to do with me or my family.  He really has nothing to do with my brother either.  You can safely say he is not winning any father of the year contests.

I blurred his full name and address, here is the envelope.  My youngest son said to send him a Harry Potter load of mail, overwhelm him with a ton of mail!  I wouldn't waste my time.  I may send it again, and to be honest, I was expecting him to do this for some reason, and was looking in the mail every day for this exact thing!  Sixth sense?  YEP!