I hope by blogging I can explain what I'm feeling. I am not even sure how to get these thoughts on paper or what words I will use to communicate my feelings.
Why is it that as an adoptee so many in the triad feel they can take things from me, or try to take from me, crack stupid jokes about adoption, and always belittle how I feel. But there is this specific dynamic within birth families that still remains a mystery to me. I don't know where it comes from, but it does exist. To date, my birth mom has deceived me, betrayed me, lied to me countless times, has chosen to have no relationship with my children, the list goes on, and NOT ONCE has she ever apologized, said she is sorry, or wrong.
My birth mom has always kept me at a distance. I'm usually the one to track her down, for the most part.
Why does she continue to act like she can say and do whatever she wants without any consequences to how I feel? Apparently she feels there are no boundaries for her. Same goes for my brother, her son. He has always felt that he has the right to try and convince my children that my husband and I are bad parents, they have both talked bad about us. They both paint this picture to the rest of the world, they are the best people, the best grandma and uncle to my children, and WE are the problem. The frightening part is that she and my birth brother are believable, charming, convincing AND they believe their lies! I have not trusted either of them for many years.
My brother over the years has continued to bully me, my kids and my husband. Yet now, today, he claims my husbands brother as HIS family. This is why I get upset when I see this is going on. I am so sick of them bullying me, and the fact they feel they have the right to take anything they want from me, even things that are clearly not theirs. My brother states on the internet to the old time skaters and surfers that knew my brother in law, that he was his uncle. I blogged about this the other day. How is it that you cannot stand ME, can't even talk to me, and have threatened to kill my entire family (which you later lied about doing & called my children liars) YET you are now, claiming MY HUSBANDS family as your own? Pretending to be the nephew of my husbands brother? You hate me, yet you manipulate my kids over the years, almost like a pedophile, luring children into their house. My brother has always liked young girls, when my daughter was in middle school he started talking to girls on line, that were in her 7th grade class. At the time he was about 28 years old, pretending to be MY KIDS COUSIN. Sound familiar? He had been talking to this little girl who ended up committing suicide. He knew about it before it hit the newspaper, before we even knew about it. HERES THE SICK PART...my birth mom and brother both lie about it now, make it seem like I have made this up, and I am the crazy one. I have nothing better to do but sit around and make up stuff! It did happen, my adult kids can attest to this. My oldest has received several threats from my brother left on his cell phone, death threats. According to my birth mom & brother, we are all the crazy ones, living lies, and none of this ever happened!
Its hard to explain in words, I don't even know why this has happened over the years. The lies, the manipulation, the deceit. WHY? What do they want? Sometimes it feels like they want to annihilate me, step in and take over my life. Everything they have done, and trust me its not been a cake walk, they have lied about, stated that "Cathy is mentally ill" -- I guess all 5 of us are crazy! My daughter and youngest son will never even acknowledge them. My oldest son has more memories of them, but he was really little and his judgment is not that great. Now, he has realized that maybe Kelly my brother is not the greatest guy that walked earth. Honestly, Kelly my brother is not a person you can even have small talk with, he's dangerous, cruel, manipulating, mentally ill, has brain damage from drugs, and hates all of us. Not a good combination, its somewhat lethal.
So you ask, why would I talk to these people? I always have hope, hope that they will change, make different life choices. Well, I have not talked to my brother in many years. I've had nothing to do with him. I recently spoke via text with my birth mom, and of course she continues to lie about my brother. She always paints a picture of this man (age 40 now) who is living this sedentary, normal life. So I see all of his Instagram pictures, which just about made me sick. I see his girlfriends pages and her pictures, which made me even more sick inside. My birth mom slips and says the girlfriend is mentally ill as well. Gee, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out WHY a girl age 21 would be dating a man older than her parents. My brother lives a wild and crazy life. He's drinking, acting and dressing like he's a young kid, and I am sure this is taking its toll on him. He looks awful, and these pictures prove that my birth mom is living in la-la land, lying to me about what he's doing and how he is doing. If his Type 1 diabetes is out of control, its his choices that are making that happen. This young girl that looks like a hooker/stripper, and their vulgar pictures and talk would make anyone feel sick. I am ashamed to even admit this man is my brother, and why I have decided that I can no longer call him that. This same behavior has been going on since he was much younger and to be honest, I'm exhausted. I don't deserve this, and I have chosen not to be part of their lives and I supposed I have to give up hope they will ever get it together and live somewhat decent lives.
I realize my birth mom has betrayed me in the past, and it seems she is not capable of being truthful. Which brings me full circle. I feel she is always manipulating me, and lying and there is no logical reason why? What does she want from me? Why does she contact me when I really do believe she does not like me?
Adoptee's are the pit everyone dumps into. Adoptee's micromanage the families, taking abuse at times, forget an apology, or any sort of feelings that would show they have remorse. Its because we don't have the spot in any family, really. We were taken from our birth family, never to really connect and bond with any of them, and the adoptive family we were stuck in are not always a match, loss of fertility issues, a father not wanting a child that is not his blood. We have to make our own family, however we choose to do this.
When someone comes into my family, like my brother and tries to take what I have made, for myself, and have worked so hard to attain, I pretty much go into battle mode. Who does he think he is? How and why does he feel he has the right to pretend to be my husbands nephew? Pretend to be the cousin of MY children. How does he have the gumption to say he is anything to me except being born of the same two people? He has not done any work to say he is my chidrens uncle, he does not even deserve the label of acquaintance. To me he is dirt, he has no class, he is a scum sucking bottom dweller. And my birth mom is similar, lying for him, even though he is age 40, pretending he is the better child of the two, when in reality she is probably thinking wow, I gave away the better of the two children I had!
I am so angry they both still feel they have "Rights" to me and my family. I cannot stand the fact that my brother has posted pictures of MY family on line, all over the place, claiming to be MY husbands brother, who passed away years ago. Preying upon people, lying, manipulating. Its like he still THINKS he has the right to dump on me!