Ask yourself this. If you were an adopted daughter, and you had met your birth family, what would you do with all of this newfound information?
I dont resemble my adoptive family, not exactly. And they all say it does not matter. But does it? How would you feel if you knew your adoptive family was not genetically the same?
Would you feel as if this did not matter, even if you found out an overwhelming amount of genetic information that is hard for anyone to believe?
Would you be excited to show your adoptive family the pictures of this new found birth family? Wouldnt you expect them to be just as excited. After all, you did not choose this fate, you had no voice when you were born. This extraordinary situation is just that. Extra ordinary. Yet the adoptive family seems to shy away, and sweep the issues under the carpet, almost pretending these "People" do not exist.
Isnt it funny, the entire reason these people exist is due to the fact that your adoptive parents "Chose" adoption.
I cant change who my birth parents are, my heritage. How would you feel if you were asked to pretend they really dont matter, to just forget them? We are who we are, arent we? Just as my sister is a product of my adoptive parents, she is genetically matched, and her heritage is the same as theirs. What if looking at family photos you could not say, "Wow, I look just like great grandma" or "Wow, my son looks just like uncle Jim" --what then? Would you feel comfortable keeping quiet, pretending that YOUR son and daughter DO NOT look just like YOUR genetic grandma from Lebanon or your new found full birth brother?
So who am I anyhow? Am I expected to pretend Im someone other than I am? Genetically? How would you feel if you were expected to feel as though you were hatched from an egg, dropped off by the stork?
Lets not compare those born to their birth mom & dad. Try to figure out how you would really feel. Honestly.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
She is still alive, she has not died, but the reality is, she has. She will never be. She never existed, only in my mind.
This will take a lifetime, its a slow process. You have to be strong, clear about your expectations. If you cant get anything back in return, what is the point?
Fantasy birth mom will eventually be just that.