Thursday, October 6, 2011

I was right....the silence continues

I have not had a single response from birth mother since I contacted her.  Yes, she did respond to ME initially, but she has not contacted me on her own.   I am OK with this, because I dont feel the same about her as I used to.  I dont have the desire, but its interesting to see that I was right.  She was texting my aunt to get to me.  The texting has stopped.

My (adoptive) mom is still the same as well, this is just my lot in life.   I basically have no mom.  I call her mom, she acts as though she is my mom.  I am just some other woman's baby, that she has kept for 46 years.

A good example of this, was just last month when I was told at her birthday lunch with my sister.  She tells me, in this backwards sort of way, like she's terribly guilty of doing something wrong, and trying to tip toe around the subject.  She tells me that she went to an attorney to get her family trust fixed.  My dad was the first one on the list, but now that he's had a stroke and cannot speak, she has taken him off.  OK, I thought, this is a good idea.  Well here it comes.  She cleverly tells me that she drove all the way out to my town, and took my sister with her to see this attorney....oh, but your name is on the papers, it always was Cathy....     OK, so why in the heck did you not call me and tell me that you were coming all the way out to our neighborhood and why didnt you invite me to come along if you are saying I'm such an important part of this process?

I wonder if my mom has any idea how this makes me feel?  I have yet to tell her, but right now, writing this, I realize I have to call her out on it.  I'm 46 years old, not 9 years old.  And why am I not important enough to tell?  Better yet, why would they get together and not tell me, or invite me?  One can only think of one answer...and you know what that answer is, dont you!

I'm that baby, someone else's baby, she calls her daughter.  In reality, I'm just that.  I dont look like them, I am not important or trustworthy enough to be invited to attorney meetings to discuss my mothers trust.  My sister works all day long, so you know she planned this around her schedule.  Then why not at least invite me, let me know? 

So, that is the bottom line, I really feel this is true, regardless if mom never admits to it.  I'm someone else's baby, even though I am a grown woman, I am still treated like I am not quite as important as the birth sister and not trusted like her own child.  

Sad, really....

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