Thursday, October 27, 2011


Does it pay to be cruel to others, to force them to see your truth?  Does it really matter if my family understands how I feel, about being adopted?   It will make me feel better, but I honestly do not believe it matters to them.

I have shown them pictures of extended family members, they look and dont have much to say, but not one has asked to see any pictures of anyone.   We were discussing family when I got together with my mom, her sister (my awesome aunt) and my sister.   I chimed into the discussion, as they were talking about having any sort of American Indian in their blood.  I said I could be part of a tribe, my great-great grandmother is full blood.  Its not that far removed.  Oh really, they said, and changed the subject.

People that want to know about adoption, they are the people that listen.   My parents generation, and even my sister who is 51 years old, they dont seem to give a hoot about how I feel, my experience, and in my opinion, the most shocking, they could care less about who I look like.

They are forced into discussion if I choose to talk about who I look like, or who my children take after.  I dont bring it up myself, I'm forced into it while the rest of my family is discussing who my sisters son and daughter take after, etc.  I sit there like an idiot, have no place in the conversation, and will chime in when I feel the time is right.  Their response, blank faces, no emotion, no comments.  And if there is a comment, its usually a negative one.  Um, I understand you all dont like my birth family, but then again, we really were not discussing if we liked them, were we?  Because last I checked, we were talking about how my sisters son looks like my dad, and hey, nobody likes our dad!   And plenty of the other relatives from my mom and dads side we didnt like!  We were just saying who looks like who, and I realize this makes them very uncomfortable when I say my son looks like grandpa Leo, from my birth family.

My point is, why forcing them to discuss this?  They dont care, and dont want to be educated.  They continue in their ignorance with happiness.  When I do bring up the dreaded discussion, im greeted with uncomfortable silence, unhappy faces, and negative words, if any are spoken.

So if I feel the need to talk about it, I talk to the good husband.  I start a sentence, and he practically finishes it for me.  He understands my point of view, he really gets it.  And that, is enough for me, and the only soap box I wish to be on.


  1. Ive given up talking to my a family about my n family. They simply do not care, and it really makes me angry.

  2. Thank you for voicing this. And for the record, your thoughts, your opinions, and who you look like and where you came from should matter and be celebrated. I'm sorry your family is emotionally unable to connect with you in that way. Wow! I didn't realize this is something adoptees' go through. Bless you and I hear you!