Thursday, June 18, 2015


My [birth] brother,  as of today,  I denounce.

He hates me, and yes I know the word hate is very heavy.  But, quite honestly it's the solid truth.

For many years he tried his best to lure my young children away from me.  Needless to say that was not even possible, but the fact remains its something he tried to do for many years in his sick twisted brain.

My birth mom went as far as writing my friend a letter, a friend she did not know.  Stating her son, my [birth] brother was such an important part of my children's lives, and they love him so much & miss him.  Suggested an intervention, saying that I am mentally ill.  My friend is a sheriff, and we were not really close friends any longer.  Her years as a sheriff really changed her a lot.  

Anyhow, so this behavior has continued for many years.  Contacting my kids, requesting to play video games with them on line, friending them on Facebook and instagram.  The hate talk continued for many years. 

I finally got the nerve to ask my oldest son to unfriend my [brother] - I said I cannot tell you what to do, but I'd rather he not have a front seat ticket to our lives.  He said, OK...

My [brother]  had posted pictures of MY husbands brother, one who had passed away and was one of the original skaters/surfers in the day in Santa Monica area.  Stating "Uncle Rodney Jesse RIP he changed the way I looked at life forever..."  - and the comments went on like this, about MY Uncle Rod, etc.  Mind you, my [brother] DID NOT KNOW RODNEY.   My kids barely knew him, and to be quite honest, my husband and I did not know him during the years after we were married either, I had just met my [brother] right before meeting my husband.  

So my oldest son a few weeks ago sent me a screen shot of my [brothers] Facebook, showing a photograph of Rodney "Forty Years of Skateboard History"  on a ramp skating back when men skaters wore striped knee socks!  hahaha!  My [brother] writes on the pictures, "My Uncle Rodney Jesse ripping it 40 years ago RIP check you on the flip. "  My son doesn't say anything accompanying the photo with my brothers caption, but I know what he's asking me.... WHY?  

This morning I happen to see on Facebook, as I'm laying in bed, "People you may know" - I see some names that look familiar, and next thing you know Im clicking around and I find my [brothers] Instagram, and his supposed girlfriends Facebook page.  I cannot tell you how I got there, but I did.   I cannot deny I felt sick,  realizing she was just a teenager in high school when she started dating my [brother] who is 40.  And, this girls parents are the exact age as my [brother] !!!

I got the nerve to ask him to please change the tagging on the pictures of Rodney he has posted on Facebook and Instagram.  I said that Rodney is MY husbands brother, and if he was anything to you he would be your brother in law, if we had a relationship!   I reminded him that Rodney is OUR children's UNCLE, not his.  Again, I asked him to please update and make it clear, really he should say, my sisters husbands brother.  Because he and I have NO relationship, and he's been the worst possible relative you could ever imagine over the past 22 years.   To be honest he's lucky our kids have forgiven him at all, well our daughter and youngest son have not.  Our oldest has  somewhat.  

I feel like my [brother] has tried so very hard to take my life, even though I know that is impossible.  13 years ago I allowed him to live with us, and without going into details. it was a huge mistake.  I later learned he was working on the set of porno movies, and coming home and telling our kids in the middle of the night what they were doing.  When we finally kicked him out, he threatened to kill us, left voice mail on our cell phones.  The death threats happened more than once.  My [brother] has brain damage from drug use, is bipolar, has severe OCD, and severe anxiety that does not allow him to live a normal life.  

Anyhow, today was the day for me.  Seeing what my [brother] is writing on social media, claiming my family through marriage as his own, makes me feel physically ill.   I have fought so hard, and so long to find myself, and to find my place within my family.  Who does he think he is, trying to take my place, within my family!  He hates me but wants what I have.  I think its his HATE that makes him want what I have, to try and take away my happiness.  He has never wanted me to be happy, or to be part of his life.  He hated that I had a relationship with his mom, my [birth] mom.  When our youngest was born,  he told me that his mom hated me and my stupid kids,  and wanted nothing to do with us.  

I can only fathom that my [brother] wants to brag about a famous skater/surfer in his family, and just conveniently left out the fact that the famous guy is his sisters, husbands brother, relation at all to him.   

Its very difficult to put into words, but its like because I was adopted,  they feel they have the right to mess with me, as though my feelings are not important enough,  and because they do not have the time invested and the bond, I mean nothing and they feel they can take from me what they want.   My [brother]  was kept, I was tossed away, and I was the kid that caused all the problems within the family.  Its easy to mistreat the adopted kid nobody wanted.  Sometimes when they behave this way I feel like I'm going to disappear.  

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