One last blog for the day.
I wanted to mention that I keep a lot of secrets from my family. They dont know this blog exists, and have not read it.
Truthfully, I doubt anyone in my family has any idea as to how I feel. They think they know! If I asked them to read my blogs, my feelings, they'd probably be in shock or laugh, maybe even slug me.
Its too difficult for them to be honest, about what is happening now, what has happened. They cannot and dont want to talk about any of the things I have blogged about.
My sister thinks its too late for my mom to change. I disagree, and have clearly told her again and again that I dont think its too late for anyone...to change.
Problem is, some of my family members are living seriously dysfunctional lives. How can I ask them to be honest when they are not being honest with themselves in their own lives, and have not been honest for years?
As I have said before, tackling one's self takes a lot of discipline, and hard work. Being honest with yourself is exhausting and hard. Its not a task a lot of people want to start, because it can take years to finish!
My husband and children somewhat understand me , so I am not totally alone, but its not something I talk about daily, or care to discuss on a regular basis, so I choose to do this blogging and self help somewhat alone.
Someday my family may read this blog, or my book I plan to write, and I will have to deal with that when the time comes.
So I am slowly branching out, allowing certain people to read my blog, and I find this extremely scary and hard. What will people think, will they understand me, will they criticize me, will they not like me any longer? Its possible, especially those family members who live their daily lives in serious denial.