Can you see how much pain you have caused me ? Can you now see that your silence and sweeping all the abuse and dysfunction under the carpet did not work out in the long run for your family? By never standing up for what you believe to be right, has permanently divided your family. You wanted your daughters to be best friends after you are gone from this earth, however what you did while alive, made that absolutely impossible. Never telling your birth daughter she is wrong and asking her to behave or at least be decent , by giving her the power to continue to be a controlling and miserable person has absolutley backfired Can you see that favoring your birth daughters children has forever damaged my family? At your funeral I had someone say they could feel the divide and actually see it in the photographs.
My sister and I got together to make a collage of our photos for moms funeral. I brought about 20 photos, and my sister must have had at least 100. As we laid the phtos out on the table, I was in shock, seeing the actual proof, the evidence was hard to deny. Photographs prove the lack of involvement my mom had with my family. She never showed up for my daughters college granduations, she had 2. She never made the trip up to Northern California to even see her college. She did however travel to Arizona and Northern California to see both my sisters children graduate college. My dad was so sick for my nieces graduation but they made the trip anyhow. Last year mom didnt come to my daughters wedding either. I guess it was too much work for my sister to travel with her. I can somewhat understand that, however going back in time, and seeing the photos strewn all over the dining room table as we assembled the photo collage and hearing my niece and nephews eulogy at moms funeral just about stuck me in the heart with an arrow, I could feel the piercing of that arrow as they spoke their truth. And I was in a trance as I pasted photos on this giant poster board I bought to make this collage for everyone to see at moms funeral.
Because I am older now and have learned that being quiet and saying absolutely nothing is much more productive than speaking my truth to these people I call my family, I went through the motions, helped my sister as she froze not being able to cut up the photos for the collage, I did the job, but I did not enjoy this project as I found it heartbreaking to see how involved my mother was with my sisters children. I was there but my heart was broken, seeing the undenyable proof in front of me.
Adoption, in my case, is a four letter word. The gift that keeps giving exclusion.
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